Life after kids…

A daily diary entry of a typical day before having  after having kids…

Lay in my double bed star-fishing today until 11am 6am when I was rudely awoken by a screaming baby and a 4 year old doing a commando roll over my head.

Got up, and enjoyed a long, peaceful, relaxing hot shower had a quick shower whilst the 4 year old sat and gawped at my nipples and asked if I had a  hairy bum (he never believes me when I say no to him and follows up everything with a ‘Can I see?’)

Effortlessly Quickly got dressed into my size 8 skinny jeans and heels size 12-14 leggings and flats, (where I found a toy car inside one shoe and building block inside the other).

Jumped into my clean valeted convertible people carrier which had seats covered in raisins and sped off effortlessly spent an hour loading the car with children, nappies, wipes, prams, toys…

Headed into town with hubster and we booked a holiday in a relaxing spa hotel in Thailand a caravan with 24 hour kids entertainment.  I can’t wait to relax at the airport with my first G&T I’m already mentally packing 4 suitcases complete with calpol, swim nappies,66 outfits, prams…

Pulled up at supermarket and parked effortlessly into a bay to find a grown man with no kids snatch the last mother and baby spot and wanted to punch him in the nose but my arm was too sore from carrying the car seat from the back of the carpark.

Went into the supermarket. Picked up a basket and spent 5 minutes deciding whether to have the tuna or chicken sandwich meal deal and then another hour doing my weekly shop. Lost one child who had tantrum and lay down on the floor and then escaped down another aisle when I pretended to leave him there. Wrestled the kids into the trolley, legged it around the isles shoving items into my trolley as if I was in an episode of supermarket sweep whilst feeding the little monkeys bananas to stop them from screaming and hitting each other.

Arrived home feeling relaxed stressed.

Hubster asked if I wanted to go out for tea. We opted for a nice romantic Indian and a bottle of wine.  We went to a family pub compete with a play barn and took it in turns to eat our food as the other supervised the kids.

Went out into town afterwards and spent the night drinking in bars. Went home and showered the kids with our own stressed, tired tears and mopped up the floor with the kids clothes before sitting on the landing guarding their bedrooms like zoos to prevent them escaping from their beds.

Rolled in at 3am with a pizza before falling into bed. Went downstairs to find hubby asleep on the couch and I fell asleep 5 minutes later.

Wake up nursing hangovers sprawled out in our respective spaces like starfish and looked forward to doing nothing all day!  Was rudely awoken by a screaming baby and a 4 year old doing a commando roll over my head at 6am the following morning ready to start another day….

 

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