The signs that your period is coming are plentiful, from sore boobs to bloating and cramps. For me, it’s when my husband smiles at me and instead of seeing kindness, I see a condescending prick. ‘Are you looking at me like that on purpose? Just to piss me off?’ ‘Like what?’, he pulls a puzzled expression. But I know his game. ‘Just a stab in … Continue reading Things I have done under the influence of PMT…
Started well. Mum points for packing sandwiches, bottled water and plasters. Minus mum points for forgetting to put a t-shirt on under my hoodie (you get a bit of a sweat on climbing uphill). It was warm-ish and dry when we set off but five minutes later I had an uneasy feeling I’d left the iron on. Quick U-turn. ‘We’re going home now kids. Hope … Continue reading A quick review of Ingleton Waterfalls.
Lockdown is over! Let’s get pissed in town…’, my friend Hayley announced to the girls over the house party app. ‘It’s been way too long’. ‘It’s been 84 years’, I crooned reminiscently, like old Rose from Titanic. First drinks in Wetherspoons and then we landed in Duke Street. I turned up slightly merry because I’d been on furlough and so the gin started in the … Continue reading Lockdown is over: the pubs are open.
There are times –desperate times, mind– when one becomes an adult but must return home to reside temprorarily at their parent’s abode; your family home. Mum was amidst one her regular cleaning frenzies when I stepped over a pile of shoes at the back door that resembled sandbags preventing a flood. Had she been expecting me and my tears? ‘Muuuuuum, I’m home!’ I bawled through … Continue reading Returning to your childhood home…
The year was 2007. I was beginning to think that I’d never meet a good looking, kind, nice, genuine, honest, trustworthy, funny man of my own. And then I got invited out by some work friends one night to Widnes. Now, I know what you’re thinking. Guys of such calibre are a rare find, and finding one in Widnes was unlikely, but miraculously, across the … Continue reading First dates: The one where I got locked up.
‘You won’t fucking believe it but I’ve just stalked Clive on facebook and he’s got another girlfriend already. It’s only been a week…’, my work pal Sarah confessed dramatically last night over a few wines. ‘What? You’re looking at me weirdly’, Sarah frowned, observing my smirk. (It’s the name innit – Clive? ). ‘Have you never stalked one of your exes before? Of course I … Continue reading Stalking your first love
Tonight, I spent an hour at my friend Becky’s house in the company proximity of her teenage daughter and friends. They were in her bedroom, getting ready for her (the daughter’s) Halloween house party. Apparently, 12 girls were coming but literally everyone on insta wanted an invite. Her daughter was the most popular she had ever been. I had the misfortune of catching sight of … Continue reading The Halloween House Party
During the aftermath of my then boyfriend dumping me out of the blue, every single one of my friends got engaged, married or gave birth. In my first week of singledom-ness, I was telling my work colleague Jenny about my plans to visit New York (Number 1 on my singledom bucket list). ‘Oooohh, I just love..love…love New York’, Jenny squeeled at me. ‘You do?’ I … Continue reading When all your friends are getting married….